Growing up in the United States, who hasn’t watched Mr. Rogers and Sesame Street? Nickelodeon, Disney Channel, Cartoon Network, and MTV? We’ve been shaped, socialized and educated by our entertainment media. Likewise, entertainment can be a gateway to understanding the values, traditions, language, culture and history of another society. What better way to learn about a different culture?
American will notice some charming and sometimes confusing differences between American and Korean culture in the portrayal of romantic relationships in K-Dramas.
Here’s my take on dating and sexual relations in K-Dramas that might befuddle a typical American viewer:
DATING.
Dating is a BIG deal. Dating is an exclusive romantic relationship, almost as serious as the commitment implied in an American couple’s engagement. Koreans have the custom of engagement as well but the dating process before the engagement has a greater significance.
Dating begins with a CONFESSION. For many episodes one character may agonize over Should I confess or not? Is s/he going to confess? When should I confess and what should I say? And after all that torment, a confession is nothing as extreme as “I love you”, but rather a simple “I like you”.
The confession often includes the presentation of what looks like wedding rings. While watching Crash Landing on You, my introduction to K-drama, I was befuddled by the male lead casually giving a gift of what looked like wedding rings to the woman he loves midway through the drama. I wondered if perhaps he was trying to show their relationship was like a marriage but since marriage was out of the question they’d just exchange rings? Used to rings being exchanged only in a marriage ceremony, the giving of the rings was done so casually it felt odd. It wasn’t until I’d watched several more dramas I realized this was my cultural ignorance. I’d just never heard of Couple Rings, apparently a common practice when you’re dating in S Korea, at least in K-dramas.
“SKINSHIP”.
Because of Korea’s more conservative values concerning female/male relationships and the regulation of tv/film content by the government, physical sexual content is very toned down in K-Dramas. Although this can be frustrating to American viewers, the bright side is K-Dramas are more family friendly than most American romantic dramas.
Americans wonder: If they like each other so much why are they socially distanced just staring at each other for what seems like hours?
If one person actually hugs another person, why is the other person just standing immobile with arms down by their side?
Shockingly if our couple makes it all the way to kissing, our American viewer wonders where’s the passion? It’s just lips immobilized on another set of lips, again for what seems like hours.
A common trope is to have couples sleep together (just sleeping), fully clothed with at best some intimate staring involved. Again with the staring.
With very few exceptions, such is the sex life or skinship of the most passionate of our K-Drama “lovers”. As Americans we have no choice but to embrace this custom. (But from a distance. Haha.). I did find an exception in “This is My First Life” in which three female characters represent three differing views of dating and marriage. One character is the antithesis of the Korean traditional value of chastity, perhaps Korea’s take on “Sex and the City”’s Samantha Jones. Although we never see her in bed with anyone, she sees men as temporary sex partners and enjoys the variety–until she finds the right man, of course.
Although Americans may long for more passionate skinship scenes, we eventually find ourselves adapting and actually savoring stop action, six feet away lingering looks. And every once in a while see a “proper” (enthusiastic) hug or kiss. Watch enough and you’ll eventually see a couple pulling a duvet over themselves to cover something more enthusiastic than just staring at each other.
This week’s recommendation: “Because this is My First Life”.